Our society has really screwed us over. Society has taught us to do whatever makes us happy. Our society has made us selfish and lazy… and lonely.
I’ve literally had a married person say to me, “I know I said vows, but it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to stay in this marriage if I’m not happy.” How do people not see the problem with this?! You became one when you got married! You made a commitment! If ending the relationship was an option, why did you get married? Just continue dating and avoid the extra heartache when it ends.
If you’re going into a marriage thinking that there will be a way out, I bet you’ll end up using it. When things get tough, those thoughts of divorce will creep back into your head over and over until you feel like there’s a choice to be made between being miserable in your marriage and being free (but, quite possibly, still miserable). If divorce is never an option, your choices become being miserable in your marriage or making things work.
Before my husband and I got married, Mr. Rockefeller’s uncle was doing our premarital counseling and he reminded us that you have to make a choice to love your spouse every single day. Some days it’s easy and some days you’d really rather not pick your husbands dirty laundry up off the floor for the millionth time this week without yelling. But when divorce is not an option, choosing to love becomes the easier choice. You realize that you’d better put the effort into your marriage if you want to be happy. And when you start putting effort in, you’ll probably see your spouse start to do the same.
Before I met Mr. Rockefeller, there was someone else I thought I was going to marry. Things weren’t going great between us toward the end, but I guess marriage was still the plan at the time. I remember saying that divorce would never be an option for me and him saying it would always be on the table. I remember being so hurt and angry and really afraid of what our lives would be like. I realized that even though it wasn’t an option for me, it wouldn’t matter, because it was an option for him. He would force divorce to be an option for me… We broke up soon after that fight and about 8 months later, I met my amazing husband. Mr. Rockefeller was completely different. Everything has been so simple with him. I’ve never feared losing him to divorce because it’s never been an option for him either. Find someone as committed to marriage as you are.
We are Christians, which is one of the reasons we would never consider divorce. God tells us it’s wrong and we take that seriously. We know that God’s commandments are in place for good reasons and we will be blessed for following them. Malachi 2:16 says “For I hate divorce! Says the Lord, the God of Israel…” If God hates divorce, then so do we. Matthew 5:32 tells us that it is acceptable to divorce because of sexual immorality in marriage. For Mr. Rockefeller and I, divorce is still not an option. It’s not an option because adultery is not an option. I know that my husband will never cheat on me and I will never cheat on him. My husband is a God fearing man, he is trustworthy, and he loves me. I can’t even describe how I know he’ll always be faithful, but I do. Don’t marry someone who could do something so horrible to you, that he or she would make divorce an option in this way (obviously you can’t always know you’re marrying someone who could do that.. people change). If you’re worried the person you’re with might be unfaithful one day, figure out what makes you feel that way and address it. Bring up those hard topics before you make a huge commitment to each other!
When there’s no way out, you’re forced to put effort into your happiness (and your spouse’s). So don’t let divorce be an option. Love your spouse and love your God and you can get through any trials in your marriage.
For more on what the Bible says on divorce, read Mark 10:1-12.
I also strongly suggest watching the movie “Fireproof.” It’s a great movie about a man working to make his marriage work.
Featured photo from steinbachlaw.com.