7 Relationship Mistakes to Avoid

I work with people, so naturally, I hear a lot about relationships. I hear about relationships in all aspects of my life, really. So, I’ve made a list of some things to avoid in relationships based on what I’ve seen in the people around me (it’s always easier to see problems and solutions in someone else’s life!)

So, here we go. Here are some mistakes to avoid making in your romantic relationships.

Mistake #1: Not communicating.

I know, I know, you’ve heard this one before. But have you ever really thought about communication? Yes, talk about your feelings with your partner and tell them what you’re upset about and have honest and clear conversations. But communication also involves listening. That’s the part we forget sometimes. We might be ready to pour out our hearts, but we need to be ready to listen to our spouse’s heart too. Listen and be ready to take what your partner is telling you seriously.

Mistake #2: Not knowing or considering your significant other’s love language.

If you haven’t read The 5 Love Languages, do. If you refuse to read it, at least take the quiz for you and your partner online and read a little synopsis of the languages. The idea of the love languages makes a lot of sense, but I’ve actually seen a lack of understanding of them affect marriages. I see people who need quality time with their spouses and they don’t realize it because it’s not what they need. Some people give their all in a relationship, like buying their husband or wife endless gifts, but their partner doesn’t respond because he or she doesn’t communicate love that way. It’s amazing to see how a relationship can change once a couple discovers what each other needs to feel loved.

Mistake #3: “We don’t have a problem. We’re doing fine.”

If your significant other says that there is a problem, then there is a problem. Please don’t brush it off as nothing just because you are perfectly happy with how life is going. Your relationship is going to be awfully rocky if you don’t take your partner’s concerns seriously and if you are only working toward your own personal happiness. And eventually, your partner’s unhappiness will lead to your unhappiness.

Mistake #4: Bringing up the past.

If you feel like an argument from the past is not fully settled or that something your partner did is still bothering you, have a conversation about it. Do not bring it up during a fight about something else. Sometimes, every fight starts to come full circle to “that thing you did that really hurt me.” That is not solving anything.

Mistake #5: Making ending a marriage an option.

Don’t give yourself an escape route so you don’t have to work through the hard parts of marriage. Read this post for more about this mistake.

Mistake #6: Giving up on trying.

It’s heartbreaking to see people reach this point. I don’t blame people for wanting to stop trying when their spouse is not putting any effort in, but if you give up, then there is no hope for the relationship. Try everything. See a marriage counselor. See one by yourself until your spouse is willing to go too, if you have to. Never stop trying to communicate what is bothering you (without being naggy or mean). Read resources, watch videos, make a plan, pray about it, talk to someone who has been through the same thing… just do everything you can… because it is that important.

Mistake #7: Making something other than God the center of your relationship.

Nothing could make your relationship stronger than putting God at the center of it. If both of your eyes are on God, then you’ll both be moving in the same direction. Just because you have a Christian marriage does not mean everything is going to be perfect, but you will always have a reason to keep trying! God can strengthen your relationship, encourage you to not sin against your partner, and lead you both on the same path. God can do anything, including save a broken marriage (with some effort on your part). Remember, if you, your spouse, and God are at the three points of a triangle and you and your spouse are moving toward God, you and your spouse will be closer together too.

From timewarpwife.com

Ecclesiastes 4:12 “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” You, your spouse, and God are stronger than just you and your spouse.

 

Obviously, there are about a billion other mistakes that you can make in your relationships, but these were just some that I have been hearing about recently, so they’ve been on my mind. I’m hoping that I will remember the mistakes that I’ve seen others make so that I can avoid making them in my own marriage!

 

Here are some of my other posts on relationships:

5 Tips to Reduce Arguing

Falling in Love

Not Everyone Experiences Marriage the Way You Do

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

Featured image edited from eharmony.com 

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You are Enough

Depression, self esteem issues, and negative self images are rampant. It is heartbreaking. 

I just want to tell you that you are worthy of love. You’re right, I may not know you, but that doesn’t change anything. I know that there is something special about you that the world needs. Every person has a purpose. You brings something unique to the table that no one else can. The world is made up of intricate connections between people, so it would truly function differently without you. You are important. 

You may feel broken, shattered, even. But every one of your broken pieces is beautiful. The journey you’re on is difficult, I’m sure, but it is leading to your beautiful story. And someone watching your journey could learn how to love themselves by watching you learn to love yourself. 

You will never be what everyone wants you to be. You’ll probably never even be everything that one person wants you to be! You’re not alone. No one can be everything for everyone. But you can be the best you that you can be. And that is enough. 

God created you. God has a purpose for you. Jesus died for you. And He knew every mistake that you would make and He decided to die to take your punishment anyway. He sees the depth of your pain and He wants to comfort you. He wants you to see that He loves you for who you are, no matter what has happened to you, what you look like, what mistakes you’ve made, or what life has thrown at you. He created you. He knows that you are worthy. He loves you more than you could imagine. 

Psalm 139:13-16

“For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”



Featured image from theodysseyonline.com

5 Tips to Reduce Arguing

I am a super laid back person. Not much bothers me. I don’t get angry about much. If I am angry at you, you must have done something really terrible to me!

I know that not everyone is like me. Other people get annoyed easily and find it difficult to control their tempers.

I’ve got to say, my relationships with people tend to go pretty well. I rarely indulge in an argument, I let little things go, and I generally focus on the positive. Maybe if you’re a quarrelsome person, you can put some of my tips to use. Continue reading

Falling in Love

“Falling for him wasn’t falling at all. It was walking into a house and suddenly knowing you’re home.” -R.I.D.

I read this quote and it perfectly described what meeting my husband was like.

It also made me think…

Meeting the right person doesn’t mean that there have to be fireworks (even though there may be).

When meeting someone, sometimes the excitement, fear, sadness, anger, and happiness of the relationship all combine to create extreme emotions. “Having feelings” for someone sometimes just means that you have a whole bunch of feelings about that person. I think that it can feel like passion. But that does not necessarily make for a healthy, happy relationship.

Sometimes, when you meet someone, you don’t have crazy highs and lows. You just feel safe and comfortable. You feel a joy in your heart. Everything seems like it fits together. That person becomes your partner and your support. You’re on the same page. You can see the same path in life.

You just click.

And then you start to see that there’s no place you’d rather be than with that person.

Everyone experiences love differently. Every relationship is different. But no matter what the emotions are like, how long you’ve know each other, what your pasts look like, if there were fireworks or not, if you fight or don’t, just make sure that you’re with someone who makes you feel like you’re home.

Then, put God at the center of your relationship and watch if flourish.

(Check out these other posts on God and relationships: Not Everyone Experiences Marriage the Way You Do, Divorce is Not an Option, Wives, Submit to Your Husbands, and Praise Without the Criticism)

Life Will Start Without You

“My life will really start when…”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had that thought, finished by many different phrases, like “I get married” or “I have my own house” or “I have kids” or “We’re not in debt anymore.” It’s still really difficult to chase those thoughts out of my head, but allowing them to affect my outlook on life is detrimental! I’ve realized that these thoughts make me complacent. They cause me to think that I don’t need to change until these life starting moments happen. They cause unrealistic expectations, and therefore, disappointment. They allow life to pass me by. Continue reading

A Female Who Is Not A Feminist

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Please do not assume that I am a feminist because I am a woman. I am not. At least not a feminist in today’s society.

Most people respond to this, saying something like “You don’t believe in equal rights for women? Because that’s all feminism is.” First of all, it seems to be a lot more than that. There’s a stereotype put on feminists that I do not want to be associated with. And second of all, I am happy with equal right for women, but I really don’t advocate for more rights or fight for them in any way; so no, I am not a feminist. I know a lot of people think it’s crazy, but I’m OK with where women’s rights are in our country right now. Continue reading